My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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