Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
