You just made me feel so damn special
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
