Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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