Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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