Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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