This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
how does that bad decision feel?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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