Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
