Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
