It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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