My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
