So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
