I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Randomize
