when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
