please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
