at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
