I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
