I wish I could punch you in the face.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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