Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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