My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
