hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
