ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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