used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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