Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
