so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
