why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
