Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
