I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I am puke
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
