Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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