I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
