Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
