you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
