if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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