but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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