we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
