STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
