she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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