his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
