My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
that may or may not have been my penis.
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