Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
