Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
