That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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