i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
