Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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