I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
