And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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