I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
