Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
