You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
