even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The uberlube is also flammable
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
