She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
