Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
