a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
is that a dick in a sweater?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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