Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
