Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
