I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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