is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
even my farts smell like vagina
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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