This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
