I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
