Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
lets start a swedish sibling band together
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
