I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
