I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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