His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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