i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
