it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
