Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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