dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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