No stitches, just platelets and will power
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize