How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
