I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
